Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i used baking grease as lip gloss
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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