The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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