I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
