Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
