Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
