Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
im six kinds of drunk right now
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
