True but thats because hes a fetus.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
