i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
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i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
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Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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