I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm sobbing to NWA
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
