He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
