I puked a lego.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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