they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
