Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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