Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
