I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
