i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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