The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
