You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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