there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
