update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
