So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
