he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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