Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
