I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
