i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
