I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
