i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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