Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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