dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
