Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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