You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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