An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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