I am puke
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
