He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
