would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
