I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
