I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
