Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
