i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I smell stomach acid.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
