she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
