Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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