:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
