i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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