Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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