your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
