spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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