i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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