is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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