I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
