but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
