We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
