dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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