oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
