Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
