i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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