I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
