one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Is it penis luge time yet?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
