what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I can't turn off my feet"
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
