Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Randomize
