Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
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I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
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Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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