didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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