I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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