He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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