i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
