mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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