is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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