hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
he was CRYING into my vagina
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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