The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i will never coherently bang her
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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