Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
