That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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