just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
